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Finding what matters.

Dear reader,

(AN ACTUAL BLOG!)
Recently i've been lost in life, coveted by lust over love and fear for losing what I already have. This of course, is not how life should be led, and I have made some changes I've taken some time to throw out the old and make room for the new, the bright, and the better. Accepting these changes was hard, but all the difficulties came from forcing myself to make the changes. I'm honestly excited and I haven't been truthfully excited in years. I'd like to share what I've felt.

I've felt false sense of happiness for a short bit now for one, and the worst part, it was deprived from true happiness I used to have. I've realized that I'll never end up as happy as I was say - Christmas, Third Grade, or when I first met Lindsey. All special events like these happened too often and became less and less special until they we're no longer special at all. I was left with no excitement in my life from what I have, so I made an attempt to clear out the old, and make room for the new. New life, new excitement, new friends, new everything. My only wish is that people will help give me the fresh start that I'm looking for :)

I've felt like I was so much to so many people, but out of prioritizing mistakes, I lost the bonds that some friends and I had, and basically brought it down to being me and my best friend. There's nothing wrong with this and I love my best friend dearly, but my best friend didn't set his priorities the way I wished he would and now he wraps his life around his girl and I get whatever scraps are left of his time. Its upsetting, but I guess I could have expected it and embraced what I had with him while we had it. Sadly, our friendship crumbles to its essence over time and I'm doing everything I can to prevent that, but I don't see how it might even matter.

I've been stuck through hell in some relationships and heaven in others, and I admit, some of the Hell has been my fault, but its not just me at blame. I try to make things work as best as I can, but I've heard plenty of reasons why my relationships fail. "Your too good to be true", "I can't do this to my xxxx", "I'm just tired of you", "Your not Christian". Plenty. Trust me. They suck, they break hearts, and theres honestly not much more to say besides that. I'm tired of people taking others for granted and expecting them to always be here. I'm so sick and tired of it! Humans are made to be treated equal, regardless of how they treat you, how they look, or how they act and they shouldn't be judged by these conditions.

Life is changing - Join the revolution.

:)

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